[in Berlin: I originally thought about leaving these details out for nobody to read because of the pettiness of it all, but then said ‘why not?’ as it’s all part of the trip experiences, and in the end all is well anyway, so might as well tell you, friends, about the difficulties of group dynamics as well as the joys.]
Basically, when we reunited with the guys, the shit hit the fan so hard it nearly clogged the motor. Get it?
Tomek and Andrzej said they’d be late to work at Rolf’s, then said later they were late because they were working on Per’s cottage (a job that 4 could do).
Due to the previous day’s events and how there was no time to smooth it over, I was growing suspicious as to why this job was not being shared when it could’ve been, especially when Piotr and I returned to Bodø to ensure we could all keep working steadily for a week, which wouldn’t have been possible without returning to work for Rolf.
When I asked about the cottage and whether Piotr and I are included in the share of the work, they replied with resentment regarding the previous day saying "Well, you chose the window job, and we have the cottage - it was your choice to come back." basically implying they wanted to exclude us from this job, meaning while we were all staying at Per’s cottage with the cottage to be destroyed being 20m away, at the end of workday for all at Rolf’s, they would be working on the cottage while Piotr and I would be sitting 10m away from them doing nothing.
Per's cottage. The one way stayed/slept in.
So I basically became infuriated. I accused Tomek of initially ruining the team spirit by acting like a spoiled brat, I said that it’s even worse that now they seem to be taking a form of ‘revenge’ for an act that had no bad intentions (the non-democratic ‘Piotr and Steve are the carpenters’ decision), and how selfish it was to exclude us from work that we could all do, etc because we’re supposed to be a team, and that’s why Piotr and I came back, to ensure us all the maximum amount of work for the team. There was lots of shouting, lots of hurt feelings, and Andrzej is still not really talking to me as he said he "saw the devil in my eyes" during this argument. The strange and mildly funny thing about this was that I really had no problem with Andrzej at all with respect to all this, but somehow from this argument, I’m now the bad guy. Heh... I really don’t understand how this shit will happen to me, where one bad day fucks someone’s entire opinion of me, but I think it’s because the impression I usually make one on people (initially at least) is one where they can’t fathom that I am capable of giving out one powerful tongue lashing, and that I’m generally pleasant, cheery, and funny. I think that when I completely smash this image with behaviour just described, people get scared and confused... "Who is this person, really?"; "So maybe this is who he TRULY is", etc etc.
[As a side note, it’s funny how if a nice person has one bad day in 30, people say "You see? I knew he was an ass." where if you take the grumpy bastard who’s a nice guy for 1 day a month, people say "Awww... see, he’s really a good person deep down." Does that make sense? What kind of person would you prefer??]
[Back in Berlin: It has also occurred to me the extreme value of the statement "It’s the delivery, not the line. Because my motivation for becoming angry in this situation was completely, to this day, understandable, but the shit only hit the fan in my opinion because of the way the situation was dealt with. It was the shouting, the strong words, the accusations… the aggressiveness basically, not the heart of the matter, that had me causing the problems in the group.]
Anyway, all is basically smooth now, (being the following day) between Tomek and me. He was only upset over the day before because I didn’t apologize. (We’re similar in that we blow off steam, but cool off quick and forgive easily.) Andrzej is still incredibly distant (but occasionally talking), Piotr is ever the diplomat and leader, and I feel not nearly as bad as yesterday. To be honest, in my life I’ve grown tired of concerning myself too greatly over whether people like me. (I used to care, but I think that’s due to being the son of a community leader with a reputation to uphold.) Sometimes I’m a real fucker to people (in words mainly), but 95% of the time, not so. I don’t want to feel bad about that now, and if other people wanna shut me out, then that’s not my problem. I wish they wouldn’t, but you can’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.
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