So, just to be clear, this blog isn't so much about Lisbon itself, but my time in Lisbon. :D
It's been nearly a week since my last post. I'm trying to figure out myself what has happened. Very little, other than going out and having fun!
This holiday for me was never one about sightseeing. I mean, I assume that will naturally come into play, but my attitude towards sightseeing has always been that of a spoiled kid who's unappreciative of most things. If I really want to see something, they have books which present it in its best light. No, for me it has always been about experiencing a bit of everyday life, getting to know people, forming short-term, but perhaps also long-lasting friendships. Human connections. Sharing time with people. Sightseeing is a matter of wandering around, pointing and clicking a camera, reading a blurb out of a book, and saying "Yup, I've been there." That has never appealed to me that much, although stumbling upon places by accident does.
Last Tuesday night, I experienced my first of many "Cinema Nights" in my apartment building. About 30-50 turn up each week with the promise of a cheap meal and cheap beer, to watch a movie screened on the wall on our MASSIVE rooftop terrace. It took me about 2 days in Lisbon to realize that these lucky golden horseshoes of mine have replenished their supply, and I have stumbled on a very unique phenomenon known as my apartment building. I actually didn't make it upstairs in time for the movie, and also missed out on dinner, because we were all stuck at my nextdoor neighbours' place eating tapas and drinking beer/wine. It got a little messy, and went on into the wee hours of the morning. It was really an enjoyable experience, with many lovely people. The Portuguese have a certain way of being that is in stark contrast to the Germans. A certain openness and spirituality that radiates from them. A signal that they are indeed human beings with true feelings, and it's ok for you to have a glimpse into their soul. (It is with some regret I wrote that sentence my German friends...)
Wednesday was something of a non-day due to the night before. Very little happened. I went to the market. I ate. It was then after 6pm. I decided in my worn-down state to try to enjoy the sunset as I read a book. I was mentally and spiritually unprepared for what was yet to happen. I can only describe it as a mental violation.
In science-fiction movies, they have this device called a tractor beam. A tractor beam is kind of a multifunction device. On the one hand, it is like a towing cable. On the other hand, it can be used to freeze objects in space to keep them from going away. I was, against my will, caught in the tractor beam of a complete and utter lunatic (who incidentally is moderately successful as a trance music producer, at this point the only profession imaginable for such a person who has completely fried his brain though god knows what). I sat down to read, but somehow got talking with Frederic about iPhone software development. This guy (I shall name 'Trance', would prefer the name 'Trash' however), butts in and starts in on what initially seemed like intelligent conversation about software development. Really, the first few minutes of talking, this guy was speaking in a way where I started to think "Wow, maybe he knows WAY more about the field of computer science and technology than I do." because you know, it's never good to think you know too much because there's always a bigger fish. Before I go on, I should describe this person a bit better. He seemed a well-spoken American with a warped "I've been everywhere" kind of accent, and put off a certain charisma where you initially give him the benefit of the doubt. He had the sparkly eyes right out the film "men who stare at goats". He's older than me. There were all the signs of a person that could carry a decent conversation and is probably worthwhile to talk to.
Now this is where the mental violation slowly began. I say mental violation in a way similar to rape, but obviously not even comparable in most respects. All you want is for it all to stop, and whatever signals you give to indicate this are completely ignored and you feel powerless to do anything to make it stop. (Well, other than flat out be rude and tell a relative stranger to go f*ck himself and never speak to you again, which is kind of against the spirit of this apartment building). Two things slowly became apparent to me: 1) Trance was not really interested in conversation despite the declaration that he wanted to 'pick my brain', as he pretty much continued with 2) babbling complete and utter nonsense, but formulated in a grammatically correct way so to sound intellectual. Mixing and garbling all sorts of concepts, as if he had just taken a dictionary of computer science terms, started picking random words, and putting them into sentences, without having the foggiest idea of what he was saying, but all the time *believing* he knew what he was talking about. This is why I initially thought he might be quite knowledgeable. I couldn't get a word in. I'm a kind of guy who needs to be given space in a conversation. This is why I hate speaking with Americans because they always cut you off before your sentence is finished, and somebody else is butting in before you can speak.
Anyway, this VERY difficult "conversation" involved i) having to pay very close attention to what he was saying in the hope I could derive some meaning from his babble in order to form an intelligible response and ii) slowly letting it occur to me that this guy is not a rogue genius, but in fact a complete nutjob who's just fried his brain through years of (presumably) drug use, though having some other mental disorder is also not ruled out. But in order to do ii), it was taking away from i) which of course was taking most of my concentration. At some point, it was really becoming traumatic for me, because my brain wasn't running at full speed that day (see last night), all I wanted to do was read a book, and it was becoming quite clear to me I was locked in this guy's tractor beam and couldn't get out. I was forced into something I neither asked for nor wanted, nor was really capable of dealing with at that time. I don't like any situation in life without an escape route.
I even said "I have to go get some water", and the guy just kept talking. At this point I had already that shot of fight or flight adrenaline, that I usually get when I'm in a situation I can't get out of, such as being in large crowds. Trance just kept talking. I felt rude enough to have to repeat myself: "Look, after I get a drink, ok?". I got out of there. I went downstairs. I already felt violated. I was sort of shaking with the adrenaline. I just thought to myself "Holy shit, what the f*ck just happened?? Who is this anti-social nut?" It was like the end of round 1 of a boxing match and I had no idea who I was up against and this guy came out punching hard. Stupidly, I went back upstairs. I mean, why should this guy ruin an otherwise nice plan of sitting upstairs on the terrace and watching the sunset? Unfortunately this experience did ruin my night.
I get back upstairs. Round 2. Ding! Blahblahblahblah object processors... blahblahblah... raster X-Y of a scenegraph assembler... blahablahblah... compile the vector and rasterize the virtual machine objects... blahblahblah. At some point I realized I could in fact drift off into my own thoughts, nod to indicate I was listening, when I would be ready to come back into the conversation I could just listen to the last few words he was saying and then make a comment based on those. Through this, I was getting back my freedom to think. I admit, he had me on the ropes during round one. Round 2 was a whole new Stevie in the ring. Sometimes he would catch me off guard, and I would perceive a pause in his words to realize he had actually asked me something; an actual sign of a conversation. I had my counter-moves: "Wait Trance, explain that last bit again." Blahblahblahblah not what he was talking about before blahblahblahblah. Pause. "To be honest Trance, I'm trying my best, but I think you've got your concepts mixed up a bit." And so on.
Then it occurred to me that this whole conversation took place as it did (and it went on for over ONE HOUR. I was stuck in the tractor beam for over ONE HOUR) because of this anglo-saxon pre-programming that has us be polite to people we don't know. I could have said near the beginning "Leave me alone, I want to read my book.", but no, the anglo-saxon in me, the descendant of British culture, is programmed to be as accommodating and friendly as possible, for if you are not, it is YOU that should feel bad about your behaviour. This is again why it felt like a violation. Does he not know the implicit rule that you should never impose yourself upon somebody too much? Is he completely unable to see the cues that his intrusion is unwelcome?
I kept it cordial for a while, but when I realized Trance had worn me down a bit, and when I realized that Trance is someone I now definitely don't want to know anyway, I started taking cheap shots thinking he wouldn't understand anyway. I started speaking a little bit snobbishly: "Well, the process of [this or that] generally works this way. Yes, you could go into more detail on some of these points, but I don't want to confuse you more than you already are.... and that would be fairly confused." and such snide, dickhead comments I'm not exactly proud of.
After my numerous attempts at crying for rescue from others (rolling my eyes at others while he wasn't looking), he had to get up to get something. I used this opportunity to (as if I had been kidnapped against my will) to cut the ropes and break free. I finally stood up and walked over to the others and began the long process of recovery. The first thing I did was somewhat rude in an international setting - to deliberately speak in a certain language because you KNOW other people won't understand. I went to Frederic, and laid out to him in German the mental trauma that had just occurred. Not being allowed to think freely. Being bombarded by and forced to listen to complete and utter bullshit for over one hour without the possibility of escape without coming across as a total asshole. I'm very happy to know Frederic, he is a really good guy. We laugh alot together.
"But I was thinking this guy knows something about what you were talking about, like you were actually discussing something."
- No man, no way. He was talking absolute nonsense the entire time. Nonsense!
"hahahah"
- hahahahah (but a different kind of laugh. Mine was a very relieving laughter)
I know now why nobody came to my aid. They have all been through a form of this themselves on another day, and despite their good will towards me, they simply couldn't throw themselves back into the tractor beam. It can be really intense.
Trance came back later wanting to grill a chicken on the barbecue. A whole chicken, just by throwing it on the grill, whole. Then he realized the coals were needing a bit of a top up. So he proceded to - instead of putting a few more pieces of wood on the coals - basically create a bonfire out of the communal barbecue, which was basically the bottm fifth of an oil drum with a grill over top. Other people were slowly baking their potatoes on the grill. he just interrupted that, took the grill off, threw in a LOT more wood, and then basically the next 45 minutes were spent with everyone else around in slight fear that this lunatic was going to light the house on fire until the wood turned to charcoal embers.
Don't get me wrong; I'm an open-minded, pretty liberal kind of guy. I appreciate the uniqueness and diversity of human beings. But no joke, if I were ever a dictator, I would have this man institutionalized, if not just executed in the name of common good. (Yes, I go too far...) Not because of his ramblings or his tractor beams or his inability to barbecue safely and effectively, no, it would be because he's a shame to all men everywhere and he contributes to the collective mistrust that women have for us. I learned on this day and the days to follow, that this douchebag, Trance, who henceforth will be called Trash, basically talks complete and utter bullshit to his would-be female conquests, pulling at their heart strings just so he can sleep with them and mistreat them later, once they've fallen for him (presuming they could fall for that insanity). Two girls told me the identical story of him professing his love for them, and how he will stay longer in the country so that they can be together and possibly be together for a long time, because he feels something special with them that he has never felt before. Trash. There were also similarities to what I describe above about conversations actually being more or less nice people getting caught in his tractor beam and fed complete and utter bullshit for the next incalculable amount of time.
That was Wednesday. All I wanted to do was read my book.
I explained this all to Rui, my older, wiser flatmate, and he said "Yes, it is sometimes amazing that people often can use words and have no idea how they fit together." He then said "I used to think there were only 2 ways of dealing with such a person: One is to sit and suffer as you have done, two is to say: 'hey, fuck off!' and therefore be really rude because actually they won't respond to anything else. I have since figured out that there is a third way, and you can only do it if you're witty and mentally sharp: you have to beat them at their own game. Speak even MORE nonsense. Add to the confusion of it all. Convince them you are the insane one. Then they will go away."
Well. At least now I know what to do next time somebody promises me the world and wants to ride off into the sunset, happily ever after. :D
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